Dear Mom and Dad:
This is a hard letter to write. You’re always so proud of what I do and you have such high hopes for me that I feel like I’m letting you down. But I can’t take this anymore. I have to tell you the truth.
I don’t want to live any more. I want it to stop. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.
I’m sorry, because I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I have trouble falling asleep at night because I’m thinking about it. I don’t want to get up in the morning and I don’t want to go to school. I hate being there and all I keep thinking about is what I can to to make it so I wouldn’t have to go anymore. I don’t want to go to practice after school, either.
I want to stop hurting. I keep thinking about how I should do it. I’ve been reading stuff online for ideas because I don’t want it to hurt.
I love you and I don’t want to hurt you, and I worry about what my dying would do to my sister. She’s a good kid and I don’t want to mess her up. And I love the dogs and don’t want to leave them behind, but I don’t see another option.
You keep talking about how much fun I should be having, and how I should be looking forward to college, and how great that will be, and what I need to do to apply and get a scholarship and how maybe I should be trying harder in my classes and … I don’t care about any of that. I don’t want to live long enough to go to college. I’d be happy if I could make all of this go away.
We have a good family and a nice house and I have nice things so it’s nothing like that. It’s just like there’s nothing inside of me. I feel empty. If I feel anything at all, I feel bad. I dread every day. I try to cheer up, I try to be positive, but I can’t. I don’t know if you can understand that.
I want to be happy. I want to feel better. But I don’t think I can. And I don’t know what I want to do. I wish you’d notice just how upset I really am. I wish you could see how fake my smiles are. I wish you could take me to someone who could help me or even ask me how I’m really doing and not just ignore me when I say “fine.” And when I try to hint, you tell me how privileged I am, that I should just start practicing gratitude and that I have nothing to be sad about. It makes me feel worse really.
Maybe I don’t want to die. But it feels like I do because I no way of getting help. I’m so confused and so overwhelmed. I just want to know what I should do. I love you and I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t know what to do…
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Parents, we urge you to listen. To take every cry for help seriously And to call when you aren’t sure what else to do. Help is available. It’s not worth taking a chance. Tomorrow needs you and your son or daughter.
If you or someone you know is in an emergency, call 911 immediately. If you are in crisis or are experiencing difficult or suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273 TALK (8255) or text to 741-741, and you’ll be connected to a free, trained crisis counselor, or contact us, and we’ll help.